A Christmas Gift for Beer Nerds!

For those of you that have kept up with this blog over the years, you know I am the World Champion of Useless Knowledge and Semi-Interesting Facts...

Well this year I was given an early Christmas gift that not only cemented this fact in the record books, but also served to humiliate some of my close friends - a real win-win! :0)

University Games Pub Trivia is a team trivia game (think: a more relevant and interesting Trivial Pursuit crossed with the game of LIFE) that includes 1,000 different questions from 5 different categories. Many of the questions from the Entertainment, Sports & Recreation, Science, History and Anything Goes sections are just obscure enough to get you thinking, but won't require cheating by asking Siri or Google because the answer is from the dark ages...Face it, Nate, it still didn't help you win!

Playing this game with my buddies reminds me of a good Trivia Night at a bar - except in my basement we are drinking Rogue's VooDoo Doughnut Maple Bacon or a three year variety of Firestone-Walker's Double Jack as opposed to Bud Light or Blue Moon. After a couple of rounds of 10% ABV ales the humorous questions start to become downright hilarious, and my confidence in my long-shot answers goes through the roof!

The best part about this game?...You can buy it at any Walmart, so you still have plenty of time to pick up 3-4 of them to distribute under the trees of your friends, or at your office Dirty Santa party!

Just remember, you can practice all you want but there is NO CHANCE that you could ever beat me at this game.

Who Wants Some Beer Mugs?

I know, I know - No posts in two months and then two in a day? Well, how about I make it up to you with a post that could work in your favor?...

During the first two weeks of September I will be having a contest to giveaway a set of 10 assorted Plastic Beer Steins! Provided by Promos Online to celebrate the upcoming Oktoberfest season, all you need to do to enter to win is comment on this post with your favorite O'fest-style brew!

I have checked out the huge selection of fully customize-able products on their site; including varying sizes, colors, and even color-changing features - and they all look fantastic!

So, make sure to enter to win and share with your friends (remember - there are 10 mugs, so you can share!), and click the link above to check out all of their offerings for gift ideas/business promotion!

*Contest ends at midnight on 9/15/12 - open to US residents only.

Epic Day in RVA!

One of the great things about being a blogger vs. a columnist is that I can write whenever I damn well please...And if I don't feel inspired to put anything down for a couple months, so be it!

However, it would be nice to have that whole paycheck-for-my-opinion scenario...

Anyway, just because I haven't been writing doesn't mean I have just been hibernating the Summer away in my basement....There was a trip to Buffalo, NY, a couple weeks in VA Beach and then a couple weeks ago a beer-fueled trip to Richmond. Let's start there:

My good friend Dick and I (insert one-liner here___) decided we were long overdue to try out one of Virginia's newest, and most talked-about, breweries - Hardywood Park. Located in Richmond, about 2 hours from where we are from, it is just far enough away that we needed to plan a day around the visit. Fortunately, there is a shit-ton of quality suds in this area of the Commonwealth!

Innis & Gunn Jim Beam Cask

We started out with a stop at the Capital Ale House downtown for lunch, which I must say was an even more extraordinary experience than I was expecting! A hefty, German-style lunch of a stuffed pretzel (salty, sourdough roll with split bratwurst and horseradish sauce) and fries was exactly what would be needed to soak up the booze we would be drinking throughout the day.

Victory Uncle Teddy's Bitter

For starters we had a couple pints of cask ales: Victory Brewing's Uncle Teddy's Bitter and Innis & Gunn's Jim Beam Cask. Both were incredible, and the atmosphere in the place was just awesome. The old-school refrigerated bar is something that I MUST build into my next man cave!

Stone Smoked Porter w/ Chipotle Peppers

Here is the list of the other gems we sampled at the CAP:

• Laughing Dog Capital Ale House 10th Anniversary Citra Single-Hop IPA
• Stone Smoked Porter with Chipotle Peppers
• Brouwerij Van Steenberge Klokke Roeland
• Ommegang Biere D'Hougoumont
• Founders Devil Dancer (2012)
• Weyerbacher Heresy

After lunch we headed over to Legend Brewing, which has a beautiful view of the downtown Richmond skyline. On their patio, festooned with hop vines, we grabbed a couple of samplers - one of their flagship brews and the other of their seasonals.

The list:

• Pilsner
• Harvest Pils
• Lager
• Pale Ale
• Brown Ale
• Golden IPA
• Oktoberfest
• Belgian Quad
• Imperial IPA
• Porter
• Cask-aged Barleywine

Next up, and the highlight of the day IMO, was the stop at Hardywood Park. Let me just say - we were not the only people who had heard the buzz about them - this place was HOPPING! We pulled into what looks like an old fire station, complete with two large bays with giant garage doors and took our place in line for our samplers. When we finally got to tasting we just looked at each other and knew we had found something good!

SB 604 Centennial Dry-Hopped

The list:

• Singel Belgian Blonde Ale
• SB 604 Centennial Dry-Hopped Special Bitter
• Belgian Double IPA
• Bourbon Double IPA
• Naked Wit
• Virginia Blackberry

They were all so good I had to grab a bomber of their Virginia Strawberry to sample at a later date! I will need to make another trip up this Fall/Winter to sample the highly-acclaimed Mocha Belgique and Gingerbread Stout!!!

After Hardywood we tried to make a stop at an even younger brewery that we had heard good things about - Midnight Brewing. But alas, it was not to be on this trip...the GPS couldn't find the place so we ended up driving around an industrial complex in circles for a half-hour!

So the last part of that expedition was worth it, we stopped by the nearby Trader Joe's to see if there was anything we could find that wouldn't be for sale back home. What we found was 24 somethings that we had never heard of before - Stories on those to come!

Finally, for dinner we hit up the Blue Goat, a fancier-than-we-were-dressed-for, darkly-lit tapas restaurant that sources all of its ingredients locally. Although the portions were tiny and the food a bit overpriced, it was excellent and we were able to try a new brew that I have been searching at least 2 years for...Cigar City's Maduro Brown Ale! It was AWESOME - one of the best beers of the day, and out of a bottle. 

After splitting the food and beer, and nearly confirming the suspicion that the two overly-loud guys laughing near the bar might be a white-trash gay couple to all the tables around us, we set out for home.

What a day! I highly suggest making the trip to Richmond soon, and often, to try out all the new, exciting stuff coming out of the area!

Dick & Harry Go to Beertopia...

Well guys, Saturday's Big Lick Beertopia festival has come and gone. I am sad to say I was not able to be present this year...

 I was attending a work conference in Buffalo, New York (more on the tales of that trip to follow), so in my absence I appointed two friends to check it out, and they were thoroughly impressed!

Before I let them delve into their debauchery from that day, I must preface that this website has NEVER been advertised, or intended, as a "family friendly" site. In the past my twisted humor and vulgarity has been allowed to come out - but it has been somewhat muted in comparison to what you are about to read...YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!

Take it away boys!

Adventures at Big Lick Brewtopia

June 9, 2012, Salem VA.  By Harry B. Allsac

Goddamn!  Welcome to my reflections on the Big Lick Brewtopia, June 9, 2012, Salem, Virginia.  This blessing of beerness was held at the Salem Red Sox Salem Memorial Stadium, LewisGale Field in Salem, Virginia and was sponsored in part by the Roanoke Jaycees.  To begin, I will point out a minor discrepancy in terminology, for anyone that gives a shit or who might be stupidly confused.  The Big Lick event website refers to this as “Beertopia” while the on-site signage and tasting glass bear the “Brewtopia” logo.  I don’t give a fuck if you call it beer or brew, so long as you fill my glass with it bitches!

Brewtopia went from 12pm to 6pm on Saturday, June 9, and 24 different breweries were on hand and pouring!  For a full listing of the brewers and other event details, visit the Big Lick website bitches, http://www.biglickbeertopia.com/breweries/. 

I happily attended this beer-a-palooza with my colleague Dick Shriver, who brought with him a free 10-pour entry ticket from Stay Thirsty (what, you couldn’t score two of them cocksucker?).  Due to Dick’s previous commitments, we didn’t hit the road to Salem until around 4pm.  We arrived, thirsty as fuck, at around 5pm.  The entry fees (for those of us who didn’t have free tickets cocksucker) were $25 for a 10-pour entry ticket.  I think it was $35 or $40 for a 20-pour ticket.  With around an hour to sample, I opted for the 10-pour.  At this point, I’m salivating like a fucking Pavlovian dog.

We entered the field at the entrance end and made our way to the Blue Lab tent.  Dick and I quickly determined to just make our way down the row of tents until we got to the other end.  We had decided that we would skip anything we’d previously tasted, and pass over anything that was consistently available to us locally.

This mother fuckin’ baseball field held a cornucopia of fine ass beers and a plethora of fine ass bitches!  I tried to evenly divide my focus between sucking down my beers and eye-fucking the hot bitches.  While enjoying my brew, I would say, “Mmmmm, Goddamn!”  I employed the same phraseology when a fine bitch walked by in her tight ass shorts or a skirt so high that she needed a fucking hair-net.  Subtle, no?  I was particularly fond of a blond in a black top and orange short-shorts (you can never go wrong with the Hooters color scheme).  And then there was this hot chick in a black and white striped tube dress.  As she walked by I informed my buddy Dick, “Mmm, mmm, mmm, look at this bitch in her prison-striped fuckin’ dress.  Goddamn, she can be my cellmate anytime!”

The attendants were friendly and professional overall.  Most gave pours that were right on the pour line, but a couple of them were generous with their libations.  Dick remarked that a female attendant at one tent practically “jacked off” his arm as she marked the pour off of his event bracelet.  Unfortunately, my arm was not similarly stroked.  Fuckin’ stuck up biatch!

I hear what you’re sayin’, “Jesus Christ, enough already, somebody get this horny mother fucker laid, I came here (so to speak) to read about beer!”  I couldn’t agree more!  Now that you’ve endured this shit, I’ll share my tasting notes (You can read more of my notes on “Untappd,” my username is NoFxLft2Gv).

We started with the Blue Lab Brewing Company, where I tried both of their offerings.

• Blue Lab Hefeweizen – This Hef had an overall honey taste with some light citrus notes.  Konichiwa fuuuuckas!  4 out of 5 stars.
• Blue Lab IPA – A grapefruit smell and taste with some sweeter fruit notes.  Nicely balanced Beertopia sample!  Konichiwa dickheads!  4 out of 5 stars.

Next we stopped at the Big Daddy’s Brewing Company Tent.

• Big Daddy’s Sunshine White Ale – Smells like a frightened skunk’s anal mucus.  Tastes like cornflakes.  Konichiwa ass-clowns!  2 out of 5 stars.

Third up to bat was Highland Brewing Company!

• Highland Brewing Company Black Mocha Stout – Fucking awesome!  Chocolate and coffee smell and taste.  Suuuuuuuck iiiiit and Konichiwa!  5 out of 5 stars (I guaran-Goddam-tee it)!

Feeling pretty good now as I’m continuing to check out some hos and drink up some pours!  A visit to the Wolf Hills Brewing Company tent is in order!

• Wolf Hills White Blaze Honey Cream Ale – Tastes like honey with some floral notes.  Fuck you and Konichiwa!  3 out of 5 stars.
• Wolf Hills IPA – Grapefruity as shit!  A strong IPA for fans of that type, could use some balance in my opinion.  One note.  Konichiwa ass pirates!  2 out of 5 stars.

Now here’s a cute, but slightly thick bitch passing by in a burgundy Virginia Tech t-shirt and tight ass jeans.  You know I’d fuck this wide-hipped biatch.  She passes by beckoning to her oblivious boyfriend to follow her.  I kindly offer to do so in his stead, but he finally pulls his head out of his ass and goes with her.  Oh well, on to the Victory Brewing Company tent.

• Victory Summer Love – Grapefruity with some grain flavor.  Konichiwa whores!  3 out of 5 stars.
• Victory Golden Monkey – Oh fuck my ass!  This is complex and tasty!  Citrus and butter with hints of grapefruit and honey, clove aftertaste.  Suck iiiiit hard and Konichiwa! 5 out of 5 stars!

Here I stop at the Heavy Seas Beer tent for a Land Ho! to drink!  And there are lots of land hos walking around up in this biatch whose juices I’d also like to drink.  Beer and big breasted bitches is such a nice combination!

• Heavy Seas Land Ho! – Chocolate and grapefruit flavors.  Tastes like a brown ale.  Bite me and Konichiwa!  I originally gave this 2 out of 5 stars, but it really deserves a 3.

Starr Hill Brewing Company tent, here I come (so to speak).  I think this is where Dick got his arm serviced.

• Starr Hill Saison – Fucking nice as fuck.  Buttery as shit with some underlying honey flavor.  Suck my ass and Konichiwa whores!  5 out of 5 stars.

By now, my buddy, Dick, is complaining that I’m focusing too much on the bitches and not enough on the brew.  To this I respond with a cheery “Fuck you!” and head to the Bull and Bones Brewhaus tent!

• Bull and Bones Sun Lit Wit – Tastes like Fruit Loops cereal.  No shit!  Konichiwa bootie bandits!  3 out of 5 stars.
• Bull and Bones The Lunch Pale Ale – One note.  Grapefruit.  Blow me and Konichiwa cock knockers! 2 out of 5 stars.

Here I stop to look around and there’s this granola eatin’ hippie bitch in a long ass dress that drags behind her like a fucking wedding train and wearin’ a fucking fedora.  She’s a broad shouldered, almost mannish lookin’ bitch.  I have to stop and stare after her with a perplexed look on my face, internally master debating whether I’d fuck her or not.  I eventually decide that I would.  Dick is not surprised.  On to The River Company tent!

• The River Company Dumpster Dog Porter – Complex!  Coffee, chocolate, toffee, and smokey flavors.  Konichiwa muah fuckaaaaas!  4 out of 5 stars.

Now for a stop at the Southern Tier Brewing Company tent for their 2XIPA, which I’ve had before, but what the fuck, right?

•  Southern Tier Brewing Company 2XIPA – One note.  Fucking grapefruit bitches.  Konichiwa whooooores!  3 out of 5 stars.

Eureka!  It’s the Founder’s Brewing Company tent!

• Founder’s Brewing Company Cerise – Who poured their cherry Kool-Aid in my fucking beer?  Would be okay after yard work.  Konichiwa assholes.  2 out of 5 stars.

I rinse my pint glass at one of the all-too-far-spaced-apart-fucking water coolers and head over to the Legend Brewing Company tent.

• Legend Brewing Company Brown Ale – Tastes like a watered down Guinness.  Konichiwa salad tossers!  2 out of 5 stars.

This is way more than 10 pours you may have noticed!  Well, Dick and I did a little divide and conquer action on these fucking beers, sharing some different pours with one another so as to maximize our tasting opportunities.  I ended up using my last pour on a second helping of the Highland Brewing Company Black Mocha Stout.  They even gave me some free coasters (Though I’d have preferred some more free beer, or a piece of ass.  Or both, simultaneously).  Ah, the sadness of an empty Brewtopia pint glass.  But if you think this means the day is over, you’re sadly mistaken!

From Brewtopia, we head on over to Hooters in Roanoke.  I thought I’d opt for a Yuengling, but our amazing waitress informed me they only had it in bottles.  I decided that bottles were for queers at this point in the day and asked what was on tap.  Sadly, as you may know, Hooters tap list sucks my ass.  However, they did have an Angry Orchard Cider Company Crisp Apple on tap, that neither Dick nor I had tried!

• Angry Orchard Cider Company Crisp Apple – Post Beertopia dinner at Hooters (awesome waitress), this tastes like Welch’s apple juice.  Straight up.  Konichiwa whores!  4 out of 5 stars (although it really probably only deserves a 3, I was so busy looking at Hooters girls, I may have been more generous with my rating).

I had the “Build Your Own Burger” with Swiss, chili, bacon, mushrooms, lettuce, tomato, and onion.  I threw some ketchup on that biatch and was going to add BBQ sauce, but they were out.  So I tossed a little A1 on that mother fucker.  Tasty as fuuuuck!  Our waitress visited our table and chatted often (with her mesmerizing fucking beige colored eyes) and we learned that she’ll soon be starting on her Master’s degree and is apprehensive about her statistics class.  As a teacher of research methodologies at the doctoral level, I offered her a couple of my favorite stats related quotes which she asked me to write down for her (yes, I wrote my fucking phone number too).  “Not everything that matters can be measured, and not everything that can be measured matters.” – Unknown.  “There are three kinds of lies.  Lies, damn lies, and statistics.” – Mark fucking Twain.  She said she loved these quotes and to keep an eye out for them as she would quote them on her Facebook page.  I pointed out that it would be hard for us to do that without knowing who she was on Facebook.  So she gave us her handle.  I’ll let you guys know how that goes!

Thus ends an adventurous Brewtopia, beer fuckin’ drinkin’ day biatches!  Konichiwa!

Big Lick Beertopia 2012 | A Celebration of Craft Beer - Saturday, June 9th

It's that time of year again! I get super excited with each new announcement of the craft beer festivals popping up around the country - and even more so when they are local!

You may remember last year when I attended the First Annual Big Lick Brewtopia held at LewisGale Field, home of Salem Red Sox. I had an awesome experience with some of my readers last year, and I'm really looking forward to seeing how the event grows as people start to talk.

This year the newly-named Big Lick Beertopia will again be held - rain or shine! - from 12-6 PM at the stadium.

Just as last year, a portion of the proceeds from the event will go to benefit 4 different charities: Camp Virginia Jaycee, CHIP of Roanoke Valley, Food Pantry and Easter Seals. Is there a better way to have a great time AND help people at the same time in Central Virginia?!

There will be live music from The Materia Project and Corey Hunley, cornhole to play in the infield, and beer & cider from 19 different breweries celebrating Virginia craft and well-known micros from all over the country!

Also, new this year there will be a homebrew competition held by the Star City Brewers Guild. There will be four categories: Light, Amber, Dark and Specialty. Each competitor can enter up to three categories, and beer drop off is May 19th & 20 from 10-2, or the 21st from 10-5 at the ballpark - with completed paperwork and fees. Winners could have their beer brewed by Central VA's own Roanoke Railhouse!

This event looks to be another fun filled day - and tickets are currently only $20 for ten pours or $30 for 20! (Happy Hour pricing until May 16th). VIP packages can also be purchased and include a t-shirt, all-you-can-eat access to the VIP tent/lounge and a full-color pint glass.

I look forward to seeing you guys there!

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